Saix Breaks the Coffee Machine
by Moogles With Flamethrowers
Summary: Saix expects to have a peaceful day, but when Superior asks him to get him a cup of coffee, EVERYTHING turns upsidedown for our blue haired berserker. His new mission: Obtain a new coffee machine from KMart while trying not to kill his partner.
1. Saix Breaks the Coffee Machine

Saix Breaks the Coffee Machine

"You idiot!" yelled Marluxia. Now he'd done it. The coffee machine was in pieces in his hands…

But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. You're probably wondering:

A: How did Saix break the coffee machine?

B: Why did Saix break the coffee machine?

C: Why you are suddenly craving some coffee.

So let's go back about four hours to see what this whole fiasco is about.

:Four Hours Earlier:

Saix lounged on the couch with his arms behind his head. Axel had left for a mission yesterday, and Demyx was fast asleep. Only the occasional moan of frustration from Vexen's lab could be heard. Probably working on an experiment of some kind. Saix closed his eyes and was about to doze off, when a voice invaded his peaceful world.

"Ah, Number 7. Mind if I sit here?" asked Xemnas.

"Um, well I was just about to…"

"Great!" exclaimed Superior, before crashing down on the couch. "You're too kind." He put his feet on the coffee table. "What have you been up to?"

"Enjoying the quiet," Saix muttered.

"Same here," he said, staring into his coffee mug. "Number 7, do you mind getting me a refill?"

"Of course not," Saix grumbled. He took the empty mug and walked to the kitchen. "There goes my peaceful day," he thought. He had almost reached the kitchen when he ran into Xigbar. Due to a mishap that involved some firecrackers and the bathroom door, Saix and the Freeshooter didn't usually get along.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Sailor Moon!" laughed Xigbar. "What are you doing? Getting coffee for old Mansex? Tell me, how's the Xemnas butt today, Asskisser?"

Saix was shaking in anger. His hands were in fists, and his face was deep scarlet.

"Oh, I'm so scared! What're you gonna do? Call you're moon powers to zap me? Look! I'm shaking!"

Saix turned away, every effort keeping him from summoning his claymore and slicing the Freeshooter in two. As he walked into the kitchen, he heard muffled laughter coming from the hallway.

The kitchen was a generally small room. A fridge occupied the far left corner, and a sink, a dishwasher and a stove were on the right side of the room. There were most of the necessary appliances, a microwave, a toaster, a blender, and, of course, a coffee machine. And in the far right corner was Zexion, reading a book as usual.

"Hey Zex!"

"Zexion."

"Right, Zexion… So, whatcha doing in here?

"That's my business."

"Right… Whatcha reading?"

"A book…"

"Which one?"

Zexion put his hand on his head in frustration. "Look, if you really want to know what I'm doing here, I'll tell you! I'm… I'm baking cookies," he said, flushing.

"Ah ha!" yelled Saix. "You're making them for someone! I see you blushing!"

"Shut up!"

"Zexy has a crush! Zexy has a crush!"

"Stop it! You're acting like Demyx!" he said, blushing even deeper.

"It's Demyx! Haha! You like little Demy!" Saix giggled uncontrollably. When it came to member-to-member crushes, he always became a little overexcited.

"SHUT UP!" he yelled, throwing the book at Saix and hitting him in the head. He ran teary eyed out of the kitchen.

"Wait! Zexion! You left your book!" Saix yelled after the Schemer. He took a look at the cover. "How to Impress your Crush" was written across the cover. He set the book down. He'd give it to Zexion later. Right now, he was only concerned with one thing- coffee. He prepared the machine for a new pot, and sat down where Zexion had just left. He opened the book to the first page and started to read…

"Do you think he's awake?" asked a first voice.

"Prolly not!" laughed a second. Saix let out a loud snore. "What did I tell you?" Wait, what's that he's reading?"

"Ho ho! It's a book telling how to impress a crush!"

"That's blackmail worthy!"

"Shoot him with water!"

A jet of ice-cold water hit Saix between the eyes. "AHHH!" he screamed. He heard giggling. Saix rubbed his eyes to see none other than Demyx and Axel sitting in front of him.

"Wha-a? Axel? I thought you were on a mission!" Saix stuttered.

"Just got back! Miss me?"

"Not particularly…"

Axel grinned. "So- what's been going on between you and Superior while I was away?" Axel winked.

"Wha-?" he noticed the book in his hands. "EWW! It's not what you think! This isn't my book! It's Zexion's!"

"Sure it is…" said Demyx, stifling a giggle.

"It is!" whined Saix. "In fact Demyx, he likes you!"

At that, Axel and Demyx burst out laughing. Axel couldn't even sit up straight. He rolled around on the floor clutching his stomach. After what seemed like hours of laughing, Demyx looked up and said, "Where'd the X come from? I've never seen it before."

"What do you mean?" asked Saix.

"On your forehead," replied Demyx. Sure enough, there was an X shaped scar where Zexion's book had hit him. Saix sighed. "Great."

At that moment, Marluxia stepped into the kitchen. "Oh, hello Axel. Hello Demyx. Hello Sailor Moon," he said cheerfully. Saix started to flame up, but kept his control. Marluxia walked over to the fridge and pulled out the milk. "Anyway," he said, pulling out cereal and a bowl, "Xemnas isn't too happy. Something about waiting for coffee for three hours."

"WHAT!!!"

Saix couldn't stand it anymore. He went berserk, trying to crush anything in his path, which happened to include a freaked out Demyx. Eventually, he reached the coffee mashine. Raising it over his head, he yelled, "Stupid Machine! Why don't you have a damn alarm!"

"CRASH!"

Coffee now splattered the once white walls. Shards from the coffee pot littered the counter.

"You idiot!" yelled Marluxia. Now he'd done it. The coffee machine was in pieces in his hands…

The door slowly creaked open. An extremely pissed off Xemnas inched his way twords a cowering Saix. When the two nobodies were nose to nose, Xemnas growled, "What did you do?"

Saix gulped and shook with fear. "Well… I… well…"

"Where's my coffee?"

"It's um… well…"

"I think this calls for punishment, Saix…" the Superior said grinning. "I have the perfect one in mind!"

Saix gulped.

:One Hour Later:

Saix held his hands over his ears. "NO MORE!" he shouted from his prison cell.

"What? You want more! Ok!" yelled Axel, readjusting the red electric guitar around his neck. "Hit it Dem!"

"And a one, and a two, and a three…"

The entire castle erupted in hardcore rock music. Xemnas smiled from behind his newspaper. "Oh yes, this is the perfect punishment," he said, replacing his earplugs.


	2. Saix Gets a New Coffee Machine

Saix Gets A New Coffee Machine

((Sequel to Saix Breaks the Coffee Machine))

Saix stumbled into his room, his ears ringing in pain. He crashed onto his bed with his head in his hands. He now had a massive headache thanks to Axel and Demyx. The door creaked open. A scruffy haired blonde poked his head in the frame. "Superior told me to give this too you," Roxas said shyly. He placed the note on Saix's bedside table and scurried out of the room. The kid had always been a bit scared of Saix. He was probably going to run off to Axel to cry into his shoulder for a little while. Then again, Axel would love it, the freak. Saix stepped over to his bed and unfolded the note Roxas had left on the table. It read:

Number VII,

Seeing how you decided to destroy our coffee machine, I have decided to send you and Number II to Kmart to buy a new one. You will depart exactly at 5:00 pm tonight. Be in my office by then.

-Xemnas

Saix crumpled the letter into a ball. He absolutely despised Xigbar. Why would Superior pair hin up with his worst enemy? Saix looked at the clock. 3:27. He still had about an hour and a half to plan Xigbar's demise.

Saix heard a loud tapping on his door. The blue haired nobody stood up from his bed and went to open the door. To his surprise, Zexion stood in the doorframe. "What do you want?" Saix asked impatiently, but a trace of eagerness was audible. Zexion stepped into the tidy room and wrapped his arms around Saix's waist, crying into his chest. Saix was bewildered, and didn't have a clue what to do. This was not normal Zexion behavior. Maybe he had some kind of disease that made him act totally different than normal. Saix looked at Zexion and asked, "What the hell are you doing, VI?"

Zexion wiped his eyes on Saix's coat. "Sorry," he mumbled. "It's just that I can't get Demyx out of my brain! I want to tell him how I feel, but I don't want him not to feel the same way."

Saix rolled his amber eyes. "Look pal, just cut to the chase. So far every time someone tells another they secretly liked the other, the other ends up being in love too. So then you hug, you kiss, blah blah blah, and you end up being the next cutest couple."

Zexion looked up at the Diviner with watery eyes. "You really think Demyx likes me?"

"Yes. Now get the hell off me."

"Oh, sorry." Zexion backed away from Saix and skipped out the door, humming. Saix sighed and looked at the clock again. It flashed 3:49. Saix decided to spend his next hour sitting in the lounge.

The lounge was one of the few places where Organization XIII spent their time together. Saix usually didn't go when it was crowded. Mostly because of all the yelling and screaming. Today, there were only two others in the room, Marluxia and Larxene. Saix never really liked the pair of them. Larxene was a sadist, and didn't do much other than be a bitch to everyone who bugged her. Marluxia was completely different, being the literal pansy of the organization. He controlled flowers for God's sake! Everybody thought he was gay, but truthfully he was the straightest of all the members. Weird, huh? Marluxia spotted Saix and sneered, "Look who it is! Mr. I-broke-the-coffee-machine-because-I-screwed-up-for-once. Tell me Saix, why do we have to suffer because you couldn't make you're boyfriend happy?"

Saix growled. Why did everyone think he was in love with Xemnas? "Tell me Marluxia, is it just coincidence that your nickname has 'ass' in it twice, or are you really that big of an ass?"

"At least he doesn't go around smashing kitchen appliances!" yelled Larxene, cuddling up to Marluxia. The sight of them made Saix want to throw up.

"Why do I even bother sticking around here! I have a mission in an hour!" Saix stormed out of the room. Ok, lounge equals trouble. Saix decided his next best bet was the library. As he headed up the stairs twords his destination, Saix heard Marluxia ask, "Am I really an ass?"

"No," Larxene replied. "But you have a damn good one…"

Saix regretted his decision to go to the library. He walked past the tall shelves in search of his favorite spot: a window seat. From the window, Saix could see Kingdom Hearts shine in the eternal night and the neon lights that animated the world.

However, when he reached his spot he froze in horror. Axel had Roxas pinned under him and the two were locked in a deep kiss. "What the hell are the two of you doing on my window seat?!" Saix yelled. VIII and XIII looked up at the Berserker. Roxas looked down at his feet and Axel sheepishly scratched his head. It was an awkward moment, especially since Roxas had his coat unzipped to his navel. Axel finally broke the silence by saying, "Aw, come on Sailor Moon! We were just having a bit of fun!"

Saix glared at him. "You have a sick, twisted idea of fun Axel. Lemme guess. Is this another ruse to get into Roxas's pants?"

Axel protested, "No! You don't understand! He came to me!"

"A likely story."

"No, he's telling the truth!" Roxas whined. "I got a bit creeped out by you, so I came to Axel! He held me in his arms and told me everything was going to be ok, so I sorta…" Roxas blushed, "kissed him."

Saix tapped his foot impatiently. "Ok, but that doesn't explain why you are on my window seat."

Axel piped up, "He found me in here, and we were going to portal to my room, but Roxas was… eager."

"That's a lie! If I hadn't had protested, we would be on the floor!" Roxas pouted. Saix decided that now would be the best time to slip away. As soon as he was out of the library, he gagged. Axel was sick. And poor Roxas was only fifteen! He sighed and looked at a clock that was on the wall by the library door. 4:31. He decided he would go to the kitchen and maybe get something to eat. When he reached the kitchen, he sighed. It was empty, thank God. He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a package of bologna. "Where'd Axel put the damn bread?" Saix mumbled, searching the drawer below him.

"Looking for this?" asked a voice behind him. Xigbar stood swinging the bread between his fingers. Saix dove for the much-wanted bread, but Xigbar held it up out of Saix's reach, sending the blunette to the floor. Saix growled, his yellow eyes glowing. "Give me the damn bread Xigbar!"

"As if! Maybe I'll give it to you if you beg…"

"Hell no! Give me the bread!"

"Now is that really polite?"

"Xigbar, don't make me…"

"What? Are you gonna call the superior on me? He's already pissed with you enough. But, I've got better things to do than play keep-away with puppy." He smirked and pointed at the clock. Saix turned around to see the clock that read 4:55. Xigbar opened a portal and stepped through it. Saix yelled, "You could have at least left the bread!"

He spoke too soon. A loaf of bread flew through the lingering portal, hitting Saix between the eyes.

With sandwich in hand, Saix appeared in Xemnas's office at exactly 4:59. Xigbar sat in Xemnas's chair with his feet propped up on his desk. "Where's Xemnas?" Saix asked. Xigbar laughed, "Pft, like I know."

"Why the hell did Xemnas ask us here if he wasn't gonna-"

There was a creaking noise right behind Saix. Xemnas strode into the room, silver hair flowing behind him. Xigbar immediately rose from his seat and allowed Xemnas to sit down. He said sternly, "Now I want you two to remember this isn't a punishment. It's a privilege to be able to go on a shopping mission."

Xigbar snorted. Maybe for Larxene, but for us men? Hell no. Shopping is a punishment.

"Here's the list," he said, handing a folded piece of paper to Xigbar, "And please don't portal straight into the store. Last time Number IX came back in tears because some elder human beat him with her purse when he showed up in her cart. Now go. I expect you back by 7:00." He opened a large portal, and gave Xigbar a small push through. He nodded and Saix followed Xigbar through to the dreaded Kmart.

Saix and Xigbar appeared in the Kmart parking lot. Xigbar had landed smoothly on his feet, but Saix managed to get himself stuck in a shopping cart. "Well fuck!" he yelled when he couldn't get loose. Xigbar laughed and said, "Ha! Sailor Moon managed to get his ass stuck in a shopping cart. Genius move."

Saix growled. "Just get me out of the cart number II."

Xigbar shrugged it off and took a strong hold on Saix's arms. He pulled and tugged, but for some reason, Saix was still stuck. "You have a fat ass!" Xigbar groaned.

"Shut the hell up! No I do not!" Saix yelled. "Keep pulling!"

Xigbar gave a forceful tug, and Saix broke free… but to his dismay, his freedom came with a cost.

"RRRRIIIPPP!"

Saix looked behind him, and noticed the seat of his coat was ripped out. "What the HELL! My coat!" Xigbar fell to the ground in tears of laughter.

"Ho' shit! You have a big hole in your ass! BWAHAHA! You're gonna look so stupid!"

Saix's face crumpled. "I hate you Xigbar."

Xigbar crossed his arms, "Now, now, don't hate. They have clothes here Berserker Boy. We can get you some so I don't have to walk around with the weirdo…"

Saix was fuming, but he sighed. "I guess you're right. I'd rather buy clothes that I can only wear on weekends than a coat with a hole in the butt. Alright, let's go."

The two nobodies took the offending cart, and entered the mortal pit of DOOM (aka. Kmart).

Meanwhile, back at the Organization XIII headquarters, Demyx sat in the corner of the library. His report pages and pens and pencils were scattered across the table. He held his pencil between his teeth and scribbled something down on his paper. He looked up. In his earshot, he heard the small creak of the library door. Demyx shrugged it off, guessing it was Vexen or Lexeaus coming to get a book. He looked down at his report and sighed. Aside from an array of doodles, his paper was mostly blank. With a small smile, he wrote "Demy 3's Zexy" in the corner of his page. "Number IX?"

Demyx stuffed his paper under a large book. Zexion appeared from behind the bookshelf and Demyx said, "Oh, hi Zexy. What's up?"

Zexion leaned across the desk and said in a seducing voice, "I don't know how to say this, so I won't."

Demyx furrowed his eyebrows. "What are you talking abo-"

Zexion grabbed Demyx's chin and crashed their lips together. Demyx closed his eyes, wrapped his arms around Zexion's shoulders, and tangled his fingers in his indigo hair. Zexion started to inch his hands down Demyx's back, lower and lower until Demyx gave out a small cry, but when he opened his mouth, Zexion shoved his tounge in. Demyx whimpered and pulled away, his face bright red. "Maybe we're taking this too fast…" he said. He ran out of the room, leaving Zexion behind. If Zexion had a heart, it would have shattered to pieces.

"Oh, come on! You look pretty damn good!"

Saix grumbled. He wore an orange t-shirt over a long-sleeved brown shirt, baggy jeans which he despised, but according to Xigbar, it was cool, and black Etnies. Xigbar laughed and said, "You look less like a dude with a stick up his ass!"

Saix gave Xigbar a look that could kill. "Shut the hell up and give me the list."

Xigbar rolled his eyes and handed Saix the folded list. It wasn't too long, but Saix knew they'd have a hell of a time finding everything. Saix cleared his throat. "Ok, the list says:

-Xemnas: 4 loaves of white bread, family sized laundry detergent, peanut butter, 2 packages of bologna, 2 packages of turkey, 4 packages of cheese, raviolis, a shit-load of carrots, lettuce, 3 cans of baked beans, frozen pizzas, and double A batteries

-Xaldin: Kleenex, chicken noodle soup, and Tylonol

-Vexen: 13 twelve packs of ivory soap and a box of bacon

-Lexeaus: shampoo, pizza bagels, and notebook paper

-Zexion: Oreos and contacts solution

-Axel: nacho cheese Doritos and a 12 pack of coke

-Demyx: PICK UP MEDICATION!!! (please.)

-Luxord: tea

-Marluxia: Strawberry conditioner and tofu burgers

-Larxene: tampons (and she says she'll castrate you if you say anything.)

-Roxas: sea-salt ice cream

AND IF YOU FORGET THE COFFEE MACHINE, I WILL GIVE YOU LAUNDRY DUTY FOR A MONTH!"

Saix stared at the list. Xigbar yelled, "Is Larxene CRAZY! Does she actually think I'm gonna get that…stuff for her? That little bitch!"

Saix put his hand over Xigbar's mouth. "Shut up number II. We'll just get everything on the list and hightail it outa here. Deal?"

"Whatever, dude." Xigbar grumbled.

"Good. And since we're here, we can start with food."

Demyx slammed the door and curled up on his bed. He hugged his pillow close to his chest, tears falling from his eyes. How could Zexy do such a thing?

Footsteps.

Zexion knocked on the door and cried, "Dem? Look, I'm really sorry. I thought maybe if I did that, I would know if you loved me like that… But I went to fast, and I should have known. _That's the last time I take advice from Saix_," he mumbled. Zexion heard a small click, and Demyx appeared in the doorframe. His eyes were puffy and red, and he had tear-tracks running down his face. He wrapped his arms around Zexion's waist and gave him a friendly hug. "I understand, but that still doesn't mean I'm not upset."

Zexion smiled. "I know something that can fix that." He held his hand out, and Demyx held it and followed Zexy.

With a cartful of food, Saix and Xigbar continued on down the list. "Ok, the closest things to the food would probably be the Detergent, the Kleenex, and the notebook paper. II, go get the Kleenex and the paper, I'll get the detergent."

"Why do I have to do two things?"

"Two reasons. One: the detergent is DAMN HEAVY. This is much easier. And two: they're right next to each-other in school supplies, but thanks to the Axel, I hate little kids. Quit wasting time arguing! I'll meet you over by the medications in about five minutes."

"Whatever dude," Xigbar said, and walked off with the cart. Saix trudged twords the laundry detergent, but met a problem that I like to call…

ATTACK OF THE SOCCER MOMS!

The aisle was stuffed with soccer moms. Some had their kids, some had their irritated husbands, and some were alone. Saix tried to squeeze by a mother who had left her cart in the middle of the aisle and was taking up space. He dropped to his knees and crawled under a pair of mothers that were fighting over a bottle of All. He spotted the box he needed and was about to grab it when he heard an annoying voice come to his ears.

"You're to young to be a daddy, and you're to old to play soccer. How old are you?"

Saix silently cursed Xigbar for making him buy teenager clothes. "I'm 25 kid, now get lost."

"You don't look 25."

"That doesn't mean I'm not."

"You're a bastard."

Saix growled. Who teaches these kids language? "I'm not a bastard! Fuck you!"

To Saix's surprise, the kid grabbed Saix's jeans and pulled them to his ankles. "WHAT THE FUCK!?"

The scene was extremely awkward. Every mom in the aisle turned to look at Saix. His jeans were hanging around his ankles and his face was bright red. The mothers pulled out their purses and whacked him with it. In the midst of the crowd, the little boy with chocolate spikes smirked at him. Saix snarled. He shifted the detergent under his arm, and, holding up his jeans, he raced to the medicine counter.

"Holy crap! What happened to you?"

Saix appeared next to Xigbar with his blue hair tousled and his jeans slipping off his hips. "Soccer moms…" he grumbled. Xigbar nodded and pulled out the paper. "Ok, so we need Dem's meds, contacts solution, and Tylanol. Are you handling the medication?"

"Yeah, they're getting it now," he said. "So go get all the other crap."

Saix stepped into the next row and grabbed the bottle of contacts solution. "Where's the Tylanol?" he asked to himself.

"Looking for something?" said a voice behind him. To his horror, Saix turned around to see the brown haired kid holding the last bottle of Tylonol. Saix grabbed for it, but the kid was too fast. He jerked his hand back and smirked. "Ok kid, what do you want? Just give me the Tylonol and I won't kick your scrawny ass."

The kid only smiled, "Now, is that the right way to talk to your only chance of getting this?" He shook the bottle, and it made a rattling noise. Saix cringed.

"What do you want with me little kid?"

"My name's not little kid. It's Sora!"

Saix tapped his chin. Wasn't Sora Roxas's other? He recalled him having brown spikes, but he thought Sora would be much older…

"How old are you?"

"That's a personal question! How do I know you aren't gonna kidnap me or something?"

"Just tell me your age kid!"

"Fine! I'm eight years old!"

Ok, definitely not the right Sora. He was way to loud to be Roxas's other. But why did this kid look so much like Roxas?

"Just give me the Tylonol kid…"

"If you give me 20 munny, maybe I'll give you the Tylonol."

Saix sighed and pulled out a large gold and blue munny. He handed it to Sora and said, "Here, take the damn munny."

Sora giggled and skipped off, chunking the Tylonol to Saix. He checked his watch. "DAMMIT!" he screamed. The clock read 6:25. He needed he hurry. Saix scrambled over to Xigbar and yelled, "GET THE SHAMPOO AND THE SOAP! I'LL GET THE REST!"

Demyx sat at the table with a big bowl of cookies and cream ice cream. He shoved a large spoonful into his mouth and said, "Mphanks so muych Sexiyon."

Zexion only laughed at Demyx's attempt to speak with his mouth full. A dribble of ice cream trailed down the corner of his lips. Zexion wiped it off with his thumb and said, "Wouldn't want to get a spot on your coat would you?"

Demyx laughed. His laugh was so different than any laugh in the world. Cute, but different. "You want some ice cream Zex?"

"Yeah, I'd love some." He leaned in to grab the spoon, but Demyx quickly picked it up, shoved some ice cream in his mouth, and deeply kissed Zexion. He could feel the frozen treat slide onto his tongue and down his throat. But the ice cream wasn't the only thing going there…

When they broke apart, Zexion had a ring of white ice cream around his lips. He laughed, and said, "That's not taking it too fast?"

Demyx smiled proudly, "Nope!"

Zexion and Demyx clutched each-other's hands on the table and leaned in for a soft kiss when…

"Holy Crap! What have you two been doing?"

Axel stood in the doorway looking from Demyx to Zexion. "And what the hell is that white stuff on your mouth Zex? Oh my God, I think I'm gonna puke." Axel raced out of the room covering his mouth while Demyx screamed, "NO AXEL! ITS ONLY ICE CREAM!"

Zexion stared at Demyx. "Great. Now everyone's gonna think I'm a whore."

Demyx smiled and wiped the ice cream off of Zexion's lips. "I won't. And I'm the one who counts."

Saix didn't realize "the rest" happened to be Larxene's… ugh. Anyway, he pulled into the aisle, which was stuffed with at least a million different products. He slapped his forehead, and was rewarded with a sharp stinging where Zexion had chucked the book at him.

Shit, what am I supposed to get her? I'm not a girl! I heard a group of girls sniggering behind me. "I don't think they make these for guys," the red-head in the pink dress said.

I flushed. "I'm not looking for me… I'm looking for my-"

"Please-" said the girl with short black hair. "My gaydar senses are totally telling me you swing the other way."

Saix groaned. "Great, even the people I don't know say I'm gay…" he muttered to himself.

"But we will suggest this," A blonde in white said, holding up a bright pink box. "Just for your 'girlfriend'. Tootles!" The three giggling girls walked away, leaving a very stunned, and very red-faced Saix. He looked at his watch and let out a small cry. It read 4:47. Saix scuttled to the registers.

"What's with you? You look like a tomato." Xigbar laughed.

"Shut up! Just check to see if we have everything."

"Tofu Burgers?"

"Check."

"Tampons?"

Saix cringed and muttered, "Check."

"Sea Salt Ice Cream?"

"Check."

"Coffee Machine?"

Saix froze. "Oh shit…" He looked at his watch. They only had five minutes. "How am I supposed to get it? It's on the other side of the store!"

Xigbar thought for a second and smiled. He pulled a skateboard down from the display and said, "Here. Use this."

"But I don't know how!"

"To late to learn now!"

He gave Saix a sharp push. "Xigbar you idIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTT!!!!!" Saix screamed as he sped down the floor of Kmart. He bent his knees slightly and realized he was actually not doing half bad. Then everything started to happen. A man and a woman were carrying a table only three feet off the ground. Saix ducked and covered his head. He went straight under the table. Only a couple aisles away…

Sora stood right in front of Saix and stuck his foot out. This sent Saix flying forward into a crumpled pile. "HAHAHA! You fell! HAHAHA!"

Saix bared his teeth and jumped up to strangle Sora when he heard a voice.

"Stewart?"

The little kid looked up. I turned around to see an older boy with chocolate spikes similar to the little brat's. "SORA!"

He ran to the taller spiky-headed kid and jumped onto his shoulders. The older clone stuck out a hand, straining under the little clone's weight on his back. "I'm Sora! This is my little cousin Stewart. He tries to look and act like me a lot. But he's a little terror sometimes."

"I'm Saix," He mumbled, shaking Sora's hand.

"Sora? Can I hang out with Saix tomorrow?" Mini-Sora said.

"It's up to him."

Saix paled. Part of him wanted to scream "FUCK NO", but he said calmly, "I would, but I have a 'difficult' family, and I think it would be better if you didn't."

Sora looked at Mini-Sora and said, "Maybe some other time. We have to go home now. Bye Saix."

Mini-Sora looked at Saix and stuck out his tongue. Saix flipped him the finger. He glanced at his watch. Two minutes. He grabbed his board and pushed off. When he reached appliances, he grabbed a box that said Coffee Machine in big letters. He quickly raced back to the register where Xigbar had scanned everything else, and Saix handed the bored looking cashier the coffee machine, and he scanned it. He mumbled, "Sir, you're gonna have to buy the board."

Saix unceremoniously handed the cashier the skateboard he had used and he replied, "That'll be 9,836 munny."

Xigbar threw him a 10,000 munny piece and said, "Keep the change." He and Saix raced out of the store and opened a portal. Cart and all, they scrambled through the portal and away from Kmart.

Saix and Xigbar entered the kitchen to find Demyx and Zexion tangled on the floor in a deep kiss. "Get a room would ya?" Xigbar pouted. Demyx and Zexion looked up at Xigbar, shrugged, and continued kissing. Saix gave Zexion a thumbs up, and from his spot below Demyx, Zexion stuck his thumb up in the air.

"WE'RE BACK!" Xigbar yelled, pushing the cart into Xemnas's office. Xemnas looked up and furrowed his eyebrows. "What's with the look, number VII?" Saix looked down at his clothes, and mumbled, "My coat ripped in the back."

"What was that Number VII?"

"His coat ripped in the butt! It was freakin' hilarious!" Xigbar yelled. Xemnas smirked. "Did you manage to get EVERYTHING?"

"Yup," Xigbar said. "Including the coffee machine." He picked up the machine and slammed it on the desk. Xemnas looked in the box and nodded. "Very nice. Number II, I'm giving you the task of distributing items to everyone. I'd like a word with Number VII."

Xigbar nodded and wheeled the cart out of the office. When the door had clicked shut, Xemnas leaned onto his desk and said, "Those clothes look very nice on you." He leaned forward and whispered into Saix's ear, "But I think they'd look better in a pile on my floor."

Saix bit his lip and said, "I've got to… fix the hole in my coat. Bye Superior."

Saix rushed out of the door and leaned on the door. Xigbar looked down at where he was slumped. "What the hell happened to you?" he asked.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Saix said. Xigbar gave a small smile. "Friends?" he asked offering Saix his hand.

"Friends," Saix agreed, grabbing Xigbar's hand, and Xigbar pulled him off the floor.

"Kmart sucks…" Xigbar said.

"What was your first clue?"


End file.
